Oh Paris.

She called for two times a night, Saturday.


The voice from the phone is as depressed, from the second phone I can even tell that she's rather disappointed when I had clearly expressed the fact that I am not going to show up as I promised.

'That's how life can be for everyone.' I thought in mind, tasted her tone of mood for a while through a cold, calm and self-expressed telephone. "Sorry I'm not going to ... just... I'm not... no, I won't tonight. Have to run some errands..."

She hung up as fast.

I know how it bums people's mood when the promise becomes useless sack, like the clouds, very promising yet presenting for nothing. I wonder how she would take it, on my way out getting some drink during 9:00.

Of course I can be there, as I said several days ago, "I will come here, just call me.", Saturday is usually a day I want to do whatever, no one can put me into some schedule, I never promise to show up, but somehow... I promised her.

"Would she call someone else? Who had made same promise?"
"Is that other person going to show up?"
"Or she will wait till I'm ready?....... Come on she's not going to wait." debating in mind, I'm good at it.

Sit at a bar, order my regular.

I love hanging out in this tiny cozy place, I try to show up as much as I can, since it doesn't seem to be too popular, may close if business doesn't go well, apparently it's not so far. In the dimmer tone of light, bartender- thin paled girl, she knows my stuff. Always starts with fixing me up with my favorite if she saw me, why wouldn't she? There are not too many too keep her busy. Even it's Saturday, 9:20, party is about to start... some where else.

Deep down my heart I hope she had called some other people. I hate keeping others hanging on to my ignorant words.

I said stuff.

For a romantic or you can also say irresponsible soul, people shouldn't look up or get tie on it too much, after all for most of time I rather enjoy my own quality time in stead of getting involved in some big project. As said birthday party, wedding...

Friends said I should go out more, little did they know, I go out quite a lot... alone, like now, sipping my regular drink sitting at the bar, looking at the pretty girl who is trying to make a margarita for the other lady, she's a regular who always orders strawberry margarita. Strange yet I love it a lot about this bar is, we never try to engage a conversation to each other even we bump into each other much enough, it's maybe because the solid cool mood in this tiny bar, we tend to sit the time off.

I can't help to think about the girl, and those phone calls.
It's not about her, just not the right time, or maybe it's me. I am not a commitment person, that's all.

Maybe I will drop by tomorrow. See how things are going.
 
 
---
 
The very next day I went to the store to pick this DVD I had reserved. The reason I am interested in it is because I had crossed my eyes to an interview said it's a good movie, even brought some tears into her eyes.
 
Tears are good stuff when watching a great movie. I had several times in my innocent days in college- considered last century. I don't know it's me or the movie industry, there are not too many touching stories put in big screen which makes me so sad or moves me in all kinds of way so I have to let the emotion out.  
 
Out of curiosity and some hope, I went to the store ask about it, the lady said it's all out, she will keep eye on it for me and call me once one of the copy is returned.
 
"Paris"
 
This is an intriguing word.
I was told several times that I should visit Paris.
 
But, in the end I was not touched by this movie, I blamed the interpreter. " 巴黎愛情故事 " she/he said it is about love stories in Paris.
 
However, Paris has been presented as a depressed, sad, struggling city.
 
Sorrow? a lot.
Adrift... everywhere.
Love? a little... maybe.